Nairobi: What Time It Is and Why You Should Care

Okay, lemme get this straight. South Sudan, a country practically swimming in oil (supposedly), can't even cough up $9,000 a month to keep its embassy in Nairobi open? Seriously?

The Rent Is Too Damn High (Or Is It?)

So, the South Sudanese embassy in Nairobi gets locked down because they're almost a year behind on rent. The landlord just waltzes in on a Friday and slaps a lock on the door. It’s like something outta a bad sitcom. I can practically hear the canned laughter.

One of the embassy staff, bless their anonymous little heart, tells Radio Tamazuj that the government in Juba needs to "intervene." Intervene? Dude, they need a financial exorcism. A year? $9,000 a month? That's chump change for a nation that's supposedly got oil flowing out its ears. Where's all that sweet, sweet crude money going?

Oh, wait, I know. Corruption. Offcourse, I forgot.

And then you've got Edmund Yakani, some civil society leader, calling the whole thing "disturbing, discouraging, and embarrassing." No sh*t, Sherlock. It’s beyond embarrassing. It’s a neon sign screaming "We can't manage our own affairs!" Especially when Yakani points out that South Sudan's "political instability requires active regional engagement." How are you supposed to engage when your diplomats are locked out of their office? South Sudan’s Nairobi embassy closes due to unpaid rent

Downsizing or Drowning?

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs is claiming they're "downsizing" embassies to cut costs. Right. That's the official spin, anyway. It’s like when a company lays off half its workforce and calls it "restructuring for future growth." We all know what that REALLY means: they screwed up and are now scrambling to stay afloat.

Apuk Ayuel, the spokesperson, calls it an "internal administrative procedure." Internal, my ass. This is a public humiliation. And it's happening in Nairobi, Kenya, a place that seems to be doing just fine, by the way. They're hosting art auctions where people drop $30 million a night. They're holding summits on drug prevention. Meanwhile, South Sudan can't even pay the frickin' rent. What does it say about South Sudan leadership that they are so cash-strapped that they have to downsize their operations to the point of closing down a key embassy? Is this really about “downsizing” or about something far more sinister?

I mean, let's be real, South Sudan has been struggling since… well, since forever. Years of civil war, corruption, weak institutions… it's a laundry list of failures. And now, diplomats aren't getting paid. Imagine trying to represent your country when you can't even afford to feed your family. Talk about a morale killer.

Speaking of Nairobi, while South Sudan is busy embarrassing itself, Nairobi is hosting the "Afri-Asia Drug Prevention and Treatment Summit 2025." Paramtattva Swami is out there talking about "moral values" and "spirituality." Maybe South Sudan should send some folks to that summit. They could use a serious dose of both. BAPS Participates in the Afri-Asia Drug Prevention and Treatment Summit 2025, Nairobi, Kenya

The Nairobi Contradiction

Nairobi is a city of contradictions, though. You've got art auctions raking in millions, but then you've got county officials collapsing in court because they're about to get jailed for contempt. Geoffrey Mosiria, the Nairobi County Chief Officer for Environment, allegedly fainted when he found out he was going to the slammer.

The guy claimed he "was not aware of the existence of the case." Give me a break. How can a Chief Officer for Environment not know about a court order barring development in Parklands? Is he living under a rock? Or is he just hoping we're all stupid enough to believe that excuse?

I wonder, what’s worse, the South Sudanese embassy closing or a Nairobi official allegedly faking a medical emergency to avoid jail time? Both scenarios paint a pretty grim picture.

Then again, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe there's some legitimate reason why South Sudan is broke. Maybe there's some complex geopolitical chess game being played that I'm too simple-minded to understand.

Nah. Let's be real: it’s probably just plain old incompetence and corruption.

Time to Fold Up the Tent...